Tao Wisdom is Daily Living Wisdom

Wisdom is an important aspect of living because we need it not so much to make a success of living as to live well. In order to live well, understanding the ancient Tao wisdom plays a pivotal role, especially in its application in contemporary living. Understanding the ancient Tao wisdom is to live well.

What Is Tao Wisdom?

Tao wisdom is the ancient wisdom from China based on the the sage Lao Tzu who was born a few centuries before Christ.

Lao Tzu was the author of the immortal ancient classic "Tao Te Ching" which has become one of the most translated works in world literature. The word "tao" literally means "way" or "pathway", and hence "the Way" referring to Tao wisdom, which is the wisdom of Lao Tzu. It must be pointed out that Lao Tzu was reluctant to write "Tao Te Ching" because he believed that true wisdom must be intuited and therefore could never be expressed in words. But he was told explicitly that he would be permitted to leave China for Tibet until he had finished his book. Very much against his will, he deliberately put down his wisdom in exactly 5,000 words, without any punctuation mark. As a result, his profound wisdom was concise, intriguing, and even controversial.

Tao wisdom plays a pivotal role in wisdom in living. For one thing, Tao wisdom enables you to live a stress-free life, which is almost impossible in this day and age. For another, it shows you how to have an empty mind, giving clarity of thinking without any conditioned mindset. The essentials of Tao wisdom provide a blueprint for living a life of balance and harmony, which is the prerequisite of self-healing or recovery from any autoimmune disease.

The Book of Life and Living is a 190-page book on wisdom in living, based on the integration of conventional wisdom, the ancient wisdom of Tao from China, and the spiritual wisdom. The art of living well is holistic living with harmony of the body, the mind, and the spirit.  Life is short. Make the best and the most out of your life. Learn how to use your mind to control your thoughts to live the life you want.

Also, visit my website: Wisdom in Living.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

The Happiness Wisdom

“The Happiness Wisdom” is a 161-page book on human wisdom based on ancient wisdom from the East and the West, conventional wisdom, and spiritual wisdom, which may all provide guidelines for choosing the happiness ingredients for your own happiness recipe. In addition, the book also provides real examples taken from real life, illustrating how these real people perceive their realities, and thus leading to their happiness or unhappiness.

Human happiness or unhappiness is no more than a perception of the human mind, based on an individual's own life experiences. You think, and your perceptions then become your "realities"; with profound wisdom, you can change how your mind processes your perceptions. Change your mind to change your realities, and live your life as if everything is a miracle! Your life journey is uniquely yours. Make your own happiness recipe from the happiness ingredients of ancient wisdom, conventional wisdom, and spiritual wisdom. Continue your life journey with your own happiness recipe.

Click here to find out more about the book.

Click here to get your digital copy, and here to get your paperback copy.

Stephen Lau

Wisdom in Living

Wisdom in Living

Learn how to live your life as if everything is a miracle.

The journey of life is long and unpredictable. We all need wisdom to guide us along the way so that we will not get lost; even if we do, we may still find out way back to where it will eventually lead us to our final destination.

This website may provide you with wisdom as your compass and roadmap on your life journey.

Wisdom in living comprises seeking God's wisdom through understanding human wisdom in order to live a meaningful and purposeful life, even in the golden years. The ancient wisdom of Tao holds the key to applying these principles of life and living in this modern world.

Stephen Lau

Live in the Now

Daily living wisdom is living in the now, not the past. Yes, we all have a past; some of us may have a pleasant one, while others a less pleasant one. No matter what, the past was gone, and no longer real, except the memory of it. Only the present is real, and that is why it is called "present" -- a gift or present from the Creator.

Letting go of the past may hold the key to living a stress-free life. It is the wisdom of living well in this day and age. In this material world, many of us believe that more is always better. Why do we want more? The explanation is simple: we tend to identify all material things with our ego: the car we drive, the house we live in, the clothes we wear, the career we have. But they are all in our minds, and they don't last. Knowing this ultimate truth, we still hold on to everything in our possession, refusing to let go. This is how we have created stress in our lives.

According to the ancient wisdom of Tao, which is the profound wisdom of Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China, who was the author of the immortal classic Tao Te Ching, one of the most translated works in world literature, letting go begins with the mind first:

"Letting go is emptying the mundane,

to be filled with heavenly grace.

Blessed is he who has an empty mind.

He will be filled with knowledge and wisdom from the Creator.

Blessed is he who has no attachment to worldly things.

He will be compensated with heavenly riches.

Blessed is he who has no ego-self.

He will be rewarded with humility to connect with the Creator.

Blessed is he who has no judgment of self and others.

He will find contentment and empathy in everyone.

Letting go of everything is the Way to the Creator."

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 9)s

To find out more about the essentials of Tao wisdom, click here.

Life is about mind over matter. To fully harness your mind power, first of all, you need to fully understand the role of the mind and how your mind works, so that it may work for you, instead of against you; and then learn the strategies to fully utilize your mind power. You think and your thoughts become the raw materials with which you weave the fabrics of your life, including your choices and decisions, your actions and reactions; your thinking is based on your perceptions of your past experiences, and the memories of those experiences.

According to Lao Tzu, an empty mind means you let go of all your memories that are responsible for inflating your ego. Without your ego, you have no stress.

Stephen Lau 

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Your Mind - Your Friend Or Your Enemy?

Is your mind your friend or your enemy? How does your mind become your enemy, instead of being your friend? How does it become an obstacle in your pathway to self-discovery and ultimate enlightenment?

Descartes, the great philosopher, made his famous statement: “I think, therefore I am.” Accordingly, we think and we then become what we think we are—the products of our thoughts. Unfortunately, this famous statement by Descartes is only partially true: it is true that we identify ourselves with our thoughts projected into our minds; but it is not true that our identities thus created by our thoughts are our true selves. In that respect, your mind may become your enemy, because it gives you a false image of your true self, and you are not what and who that you think you really are. 

Reflective Thought

Your mind is doing you a disservice because it is not telling you the absolute truth about who and what you really are.

Case in Point

Negative thoughts create a negative image of self, but that negative image can be changed into a positive one through positive thinking, as proved by many scientific studies. So, your identity created by your thoughts is not a true reflection of who you really are. You think you are somebody, but, in fact, you are not!

If our perceptions of who we really are, or our true identities are affected by our distorted thinking and thoughts, then our minds have become our enemies, and not our friends.

The crucial question is: “How do you stop your mind from working for or against you?”

Honestly, it is very difficult, because we are all compulsive thinkers; that is, we think continuously—even in our sleep in the form of dreams in our subconscious minds. Because our minds are thinking non-stop, we are constantly identifying ourselves with our thoughts in our subconscious minds, whether we want it or not. In order to stop our minds from controlling or using us to our disadvantage, we must be able to stop our thinking whenever we choose to. In other words, we would have to “switch off” our minds, just as we turn off our computers. That may be a little difficult, but not totally impossible.

Truly, we can never totally stop our minds from thinking for an indefinite length of time; after all, we all need our minds to think, don’t we? But we can give our minds a short, meaningful break every now and then, just as we switch off our computers when we are not using them.

The Book of Life and Living is a 190-page book on how to use your mind to your advantage and live your life as if everything is a miracle, The Wisdom of Letting Go shows you the importance of letting go to attain profound human and spiritual wisdom.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Rethink Your Anger

Rethink Your Anger

Anger is no more than emotional instability. Your behaviors reflect your emotions and their expressions. Depressed individuals are often at the mercy of their emotions: they cannot control their emotions, no more than they can restrain their expressions in anger and rage.

Anger, a common behavioral problem of individuals suffering from depression, is conducive to creating many inadvertently difficult and stressful situations for themselves, and thus precipitating their depressive episodes. Repeating such behaviors only perpetuates their depression recurrence.

What causes anger? 

Judging others

You may be judging the behavior of others: your judgment is based on a set of rules about how people should or should not act in a certain way.

When they do not act according to your rules, you become angry, resulting in your behavioral problems.

People you are angry with rarely agree with you. To think otherwise is asking for the impossible.

People rarely do what they should do. So, why bother to be angry if they don't?

If you demand people do according to your rules, you are ignoring reality, which is often a recipe for anger, and a cause of your own behavioral problems.

Remember the following:

People, too, have their own set of rules (you are not alone) that may not comply with yours.

People have their own rules, and they are also realities to them.

For example, a driver who cuts in front of you only sees the need to get to his or her destination on time, regardless of your safety. You have your reality, and so has the driver. Both are looking at different sides of the same coin. So what is the use of being angry? 

Anger control is simple: “Thou shalt not judge!”

Demanding your needs

You want something, and you think you should have it; and not getting it, you become angry. Your demand is based on: your expectation and your entitlement. For example, you expect your adult sons or daughters to call you regularly; you think you are entitled to it after spending years of bringing them up. But your needs are not their needs.

Rethink your need justifying your demand

If you let your need justify the demand, you will find it difficult to take a “NO” for an answer. You will respond with your behavioral problems.

Your imaginary need and deep pain from not having your need met must come first, and the function of any relationship is to serve you, that is, to meet your need. 

This fallacy in demanding your need not only damages a relationship but also causes deep anger within yourself, often manifested in your behavioral problems. This emotional need may be one of your underlying depression triggers.

Anger control is simple: stop demanding like a spoiled brat!

Rethink your emotional need. Rethink relationship functioning to serve your personal need.

Changing others’ behaviors

It is a myth that you can somehow change others’ behaviors through your coercion, intimidation, and even threats; they are often manifested in your abusive language or sudden bursts of anger. 

Remember, people change only when they want to change, not because you want them to change. They change only when they see the need, but you cannot make them see the need. To impose on them to change only creates more behavioral problems 

Anger control is simple: stop attempting to change others when you cannot change yourself!

Rethink becoming angry over others’ reluctance to change into the way you want them to change.

Manipulating others

Manipulating others to meet you emotional needs often backfires. It is making others feel bad in order to make you feel good by meeting your own emotional needs. Instead of controlling others, you may find yourself being controlled, that is, at the mercy of others who have the power to make you unhappy by not meeting your emotional needs.

So, stop saying the following:

• “If you loved me, you would . . . . .”

• “If you really cared, you wouldn’t . . . . .”

• “If you were a real friend, you could . . . . .”

They are only conditional assumptions aimed at manipulating others. Unfortunately, you rarely get what you want, except making yourself angry and alienating yourself from others. These manipulations are behavioral problems themselves.

Remember, no matter how much a person may love or care about you, that person has to take care of his or her own needs first. This is the reality and this has nothing to do with being uncaring or unloving.

Anger control is simple: stop manipulating in order not to be manipulated!

Rethink using manipulating strategies to meet your emotional needs.

Punishing others

If someone hurts you, punish that person verbally or using other means. Essentially, you are seeking revenge for perceived infliction of pain to you. You erroneously believe that punishing someone will make that person treat you better in future, or at least teaching him or her a good lesson. 

Rethink the "getting-even" syndrome.

But YOU are responsible for your hurt and pain. Remember, it is your experience, and nobody is responsible for how you feel, except yourself. You are responsible for your own experience, whether it is joyful or hurtful. Blaming others is merely shifting such responsibility to others. Blaming is punishing others for how you feel about yourself. This is one of the behavioral problems characteristic of depressed individuals.

Rethink playing the blaming game—you will always be the ultimate loser.

It is fallacy to believe that you can use your anger to control others’ future actions, thereby instrumental in controlling your own future experience of joy or pain. 

Anger control is simple: stop punishing in any relationship!

Rethink the crippling capability of anger on any relationship. 

  

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

How to Erase Thoughts and Memories

Thoughts, which ultimately become memories, can be as dangerous and devastating as assault weapons, if they are mishandled. Banish your toxic thoughts from your mind before they become your toxic memories.

Understand that a thought generated by a past memory is real to you. It is not imaginary, but as real as life to you alone. Your thought sends a message to your brain, which then processes the signal and releases certain brain chemicals. You then become aware of your own thinking. No matter what you think, your thought is real to you, and must be treated as real. The goal is to be aware of the thought and then change your perception of that thought accordingly.

Be aware of your body’s reactions to the chemicals released by your brain as a thought occurs. For example, if you are angry, notice how your muscles tense up and how your heart beats faster. Train yourself to notice the differences in your body’s different reactions to different thoughts that come up in your mind.

Do not base on a memory to predict the future, to read into someone’s mind, or to explain someone’s actions and intentions. In other words, do not anticipate or speculate what is going on in the mind of another person.

According to a research team from Lund University in Sweden, actively and repeatedly trying to forget an unwanted memory can help you actually erase that memory from your subconscious mind. That is to say, if you deliberately repress a memory long enough, you can forget it completely.

You can use subliminal messages to erase unwanted memories. In order to be effective, subliminal messages have to be in the first person “I”, and must be in the present tense. For example, “I am letting go of this memory”, “I am overcoming the feeling of anger from this memory” and “I am forgiving myself and others.” In addition, subliminal messages have to be repeated often and with a relaxed mind in order to be beneficial and effective. Create your own subliminal messages and repeat them as often as necessary. Always talk back with subliminal messages to any negative thought generated by a past memory, especially a toxic one.

Rethink your mind so that you will think right, know right, and do right for your body as well as for your soul. Rethinking your mind can work miracles in your well-being.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Prayers Not Answered

“Prayers not answered” simply means “expectations not fulfilled.”

But what are your “expectations”? And where do they come from?

You experience whatever that happens to you through your five senses (seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, and smelling) as a result of the choices of all your actions, inactions, and reactions in your everyday life.

Your sensations often become your own perceptions, which then form your own assumptions and predictions; for example, a good education will lead to a successful career, and bring about happy relationships.

All your “expectations” are only the personal and the subjective perceptions of your mind. But your “expectations” are often unreal and even self-delusive.

Even what you think you see with your own eyes may not necessarily be the reality.

To illustrate, in 1997, Richard Alexander from Indiana was convicted as a serial rapist, because one of the victims and her fiancé insisted that he was the perpetrator based on what the victim and her fiancé claimed that “they saw with their own eyes.”

But the convicted man was later exonerated and subsequently released in 2001, based on the new DNA science and other forensic evidence. Experts explained that a traumatic emotional experience, such as a rape, could “distort” the perceptions of an individual. That explains why the woman and her fiancé “swore” that Richard Alexander was the rapist, but evidently he wasn’t.

To illustrate “unreal expectations”: Helen Keller, celebrated author, political activist, and philanthropist, was the first deaf-blind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree; she became deaf and blind at an early age of less than two.

Imagine you were Helen’s parents: would you have “darkened expectations” of the future of Helen when she suddenly became deaf and blind?

Another illustration of “unreal expectations”: Shon Robert Hopwood, a young American convicted of bank robbery and sentenced to prison, became well-known as a jailhouse lawyer. While serving time in prison, Shon started spending time in the law library, became a jailhouse lawyer for the inmates, and ultimately a very accomplished United States Supreme Court practitioner by the time he left prison in 2009. Currently, Shon is professor of law at Georgetown University Law Center.

If you were the parents of Shon, would your own “expectations” of your son have fallen short after his conviction of 12 years of imprisonment?

The truth of the matter

Your perceptions—whether true or untrue—become your realities, and are then stored in your subconscious mind as your memories.

Whenever you want to make a choice or decision, it’s your subconscious mind that provides your conscious mind with your many attitudes, beliefs, and predictions—all based on your memories of your past experiences. Your thinking mind then begins to process and project them into the future as your “expectations to be fulfilled.”

Points to Remember

Perceptions may easily become distorted and unreal. So, don’t let your own perceptions become your assumptive predictions.

All “expectations” are in the future, and their timeline is indefinite. So, don’t jump to any conclusion yet that they’re “not fulfilled.”

The past was gone; the future is yet to come; only the present is real. So, don’t use the past to predict the future as your “expectations to be fulfilled.”

Prayers Are Seldom Answered

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Preparation for Death

Preparation for Death

Like everybody else, you would look forward to a peaceful death.

But a peaceful death is possible only when there is adequate preparation for death.

When should one begin the preparation for death?

Physically, your body has initiated such preparation as soon as it reaches its maturity: your body begins to wind down slowly and wear down gradually. However, mentally and spirituality, most of us are still unprepared until the very last moment when we are confronted with death, such as the onslaught of a chronic illness or the decease of someone close to us.

Thoughts of dying and death are so morbid that nobody wants to contemplate them. But preparation for death takes away death anxiety and enables living in faith.

Preparation for death is faith in death; it helps in the following ways:

Faith in death gives courage to get into the unknown and beyond after death without fear. Such courage is based on the relationship of trust in God’s grace and love, just as Apostle Paul expressed his relationship with God: “For to me, to live is Christ, to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21)

Faith in death gives not only insight to guide through death into paradise but also control over one’s own dying and death. Every night, before going to bed, pray just as Jesus did:  “Father into Your hands, I commend My spirit.” (Luke 23:46) Faith in death gives transformation from agony to ecstasy, just as Jesus’ crucifixion transformed Him from agony to the eternal joy of heaven. Faith in death gives positive reflections on the meaning of life, and its priorities, and thus enabling one to live in the present moment. Spiritual wisdom makes death a friend, rather than a foe.

As a believer, cling to God, not the earthly things. Let living in faith make the transition from death to eternal life.

Chuang Tzu, an ancient Chinese philosopher once said: “How do I know that in clinging to this life I’m not merely clinging to a dream and delaying my entry into the real world? The great earth burdens me with a body, causes me to toil in life, eases me into old age, and rests me in death. That which makes my life good, makes my death even better . . .  “

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Changing Mental Perceptions

Changing Mental Perceptions

Be neither a pessimist nor an optimist. Extreme pessimism is a catastrophe magnified, but extreme optimism is reality denied. Neither is good for mental health. Given the same situation, a pessimist may give up while an optimist may strive to change the situation. A healthy dose of optimism can be uplifting and hopeful, while a healthy dose of pessimism can be realistic and wise. Achieving a balance of being realistic and hopeful is a challenge, but essential to positive mental health.

Remember this maxim: Your life experiences remain the same; but your perception and response to those experiences will make a difference in your life.

Accordingly, your mental perception plays a decisive role in your mental health. Fortunately, optimism can be learned, and pessimism can be unlearned.

Ways to become more optimistic

The first step to optimism is to identify the thoughts and beliefs running through the back of your mind after something unpleasant has happened.

Interpret repeatedly your beliefs and feelings.

Challenge, if necessary, your beliefs, not your feelings, because what you feel is what you feel and it is real to you; but your beliefs may change under the scrutiny of logic and perspective.

If you are paranoid about something, your fear is genuine; but challenging and rationalizing it with common sense and logic may change your feelings. If you act despite your feelings, your beliefs and emotions will follow right behind.

Next, record all your feelings about several events and your different responses to them. Do this for a few unpleasant situations, which may or may not be similar. You may then begin to see a repeated pattern in how you interpret and react to those events, and that will help you become aware of and, ultimately, change that unwanted pattern.

If pessimistic thoughts, such as “I will never be able to do it”, pop up in your mind, tell yourself that a pessimistic way of thinking is present for you. Once your thoughts begin to change, you may feel better, contributing to rejuvenated mental health.

The next step is to distract yourself from your pessimistic beliefs or dispute them.

Disputing pessimistic beliefs will bring deeper and longer lasting results than distracting will, but distraction can also be as effective and may sometimes be easier on you.

If you want to get away from a problem, you should not focus on it. Too much thinking and analyzing may make any problem seem worse than it actually is. Instead, focus your attention on something else, such as the possible solutions to the problem.

Disputing pessimistic beliefs involves replacing them with more logical and realistic explanations.

Step back and re-evaluate the situation, and your thoughts may come into focus, becoming more positive, and you may even be able to work things out faster. On the other hand, if you painstakingly ruminate and relive your experiences, repeatedly analyzing them, and getting in touch with your feelings about them, you will only reinforce those unhappy feelings; analysis creates paralysis.

If you are mentally healthy, you are forever caught up in the present moment, never thinking about the past or the future - both of which you have no control. Today is a wonderful day - live it in the present, and live it to the fullest! You will be surprised how this positive attitude can restore your mental health.

The mind and the will

Distinguish between your mind and your will. Your mind, a thought-producing machine, provides you with many options to choose from, but your will makes the final decision.

So much in life is beyond your control. Whatever, that is your life and only you can decide to be happy. You can choose to be happy regardless of your circumstances. Your happiness is a result of your decision to be happy. Your emotions and feelings are created by your thoughts.

Happiness or unhappiness cannot exist on its own. It occurs because of your thoughts, which can be changed by your will, if you decide to do so. If you can think, you can change.

Your past thoughts are about events, however glorious they might have been, that are no longer real. The good or bad experience is gone and exists solely in your mind as a memory. Yesterday is a bygone day, today is a new day, and tomorrow is another day. Ruminating about the past only paralyzes the present and may even doom the future with anticipatory anxiety. How you process your thoughts will make a big difference in your life!

Changing the thinking mind

Your brain is the hardware of your whole being. Make it functional! Make it productive, not lethargic as in the case of depression. A functional brain makes you younger for longer.

If you want to be what you really want to be, you must make your brain work for you, not against you. Your brain plays a pivotal role in your personality, feelings, and behavior because it is the seat of your perception and experience. It controls

YOU control your own thinking; your brain creates your own world—how you live your life, and how happy you are. It is all in your mind. You are responsible for how you feel - even the stresses in life.

Deep limbic system (near the center of your brain)

People and events do not necessarily cause your moodiness, irritability, negative thinking, decreased motivation, loss of appetite, and insomnia (all common symptoms of depression).

Your deep limbic system may be the culprit. How? Your deficiency of neurotransmitters may increase metabolism or inflammation in your deep limbic system, leading to its malfunctioning.

Overactive deep limbic system

An overactive deep limbic system may make you do the following:

You look back at the past, and you feel regret.

You look at the present, and you feel dissatisfaction.

You look at the future, and you feel anxiety.

These negative thoughts are known as automatic negative thoughts (ANT).

Healing deep limbic system

The only way to heal your deep limbic system is: change your moment-to-moment thought patterns. Learn to rethink your thinking. Change your thought patterns. Yes, you can do it! Everybody can!  Rethink your thinking of your thinking mind.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau